We Found Love

I've always like Rihanna... Think I was one of the first ones to really like her starting with Pon de Replay. I love her energy, her cute outfits (I started rocking these colorful cropped hoodies which she wore in the beginning of her career), and the fact that she is a Pisces like me (4 days older than me). Just watched her new video, We Found Love, and got chills and almost cried. I can tell she is just such a passionate person from this video (which I'm sure she gave directional oversight on), Love the Way You Life video, and her relationship with Chris Brown. When she loves, she loves really hard. Everything she does seems so extreme.

People who know me understand me to be like that as well. I am super passionate about my interest, my ambitions, my friendships, life, and love. Everything needs to be an extreme. Car windows all the way up or all the way down. Chai Tea Latte twice a day or totally cold turkey for weeks. However, I feel like throughout the course of life and as I get older, I get more jaded. Jaded in the sense that I can't be so passionate about one thing.


For example:
No longer am I so passionate about my job. I realized my "dream job" isn't what I thought it was and actually makes me want to cut myself. In my first (and only) relationship, I used to love like Rihanna; I was willing to give up everything I had just to make the love work. Now, I'm so closed off to relationships to the point I think I'm asexual. In terms of making friends, no longer am I super excited about making deep friendships because I realize people get scared off by the intensity and are actually mostly flaky and selfish.

Throughout my experiences, I learned that it's definitely not healthy to be so passionate and invested because the crash is that much worse. I've developed as a coping and defense mechanism to be lukewarm about things. This is probably what is killing me inside everyday. I feel like I'm losing my passion for life, because it's the only way to deal with life.

I admire Rihanna for being who she is because I can't be that person anymore. For her fiery red hair. For her apparent obsession with S&M and being in Disturbia. For being in such a passionate / abusive relationship i.e. with Chris Brown. For her statement in her music videos. Anyway, here are the two music videos which I can watch to live vicariously and to feel something that strong about. The lyrics to We Found Love, although a bit lacking, is actually quite beautiful. "We found love in a hopeless place." To tie it in with this blog entry, Rihanna and her boyfriend in the video, were able to love each other that passionately in a world where it's actually safer and better to not feel anything. It's quite beautiful and admirable. In the words of Blair Waldorf, "People don’t write sonnets about being compatible, or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L’amour fou." The two video below shows this crazy love and I'm so drawn in by it, yet vow that will never be in one of those relationships ever again.